Monday, October 11, 2010

Questioning

Looking out on this big wide world, I have questions. I can remember how as a child I would tinker with things, take them apart, and look at the intricacies of how they function. We had an old telephone that had stopped working. I couldn't have been more than 15 when I decided to take it apart, look at the wiring, and put it all back together, in working order, of course. The funny thing is, I did it.... for a short time, anyway. It worked, and I was allowed to keep it in my room until it died, really died, beyond repair... or at least beyond what my tinkering skills could decipher.



I would also look out at things like buildings, and wonder how they stood. I wanted to know it all, how it all worked, why it was there, and why it HAD to be a certain way. In time, of course, I learned the laws of physics and nature. Why a foundation could only bear a certain load and how a bridge could be suspended across a body of water. What made sound travel through wires and how energy can be harnessed in so many ways... and the questions somehow became answers and what had once been an insatiable desire to figure things out became a "that's just the way it is" attitude.

My entire life I have been involved in Christianity. Before I was a believer, I was a follower. Or maybe I was just a listener. Either way, my parents were going to church, and I was going with them. I remember having some questions, but when it came to believing, it seemed natural. I was taught in biblical ways from the time I was born and it made sense to me. It was almost the opposite as my physical world. I didn't question, I just followed. Until I became a teen. Oh, yes, the dreaded teenager. I can't say I caused too much grief for my parents, but questions, questions, questions galore!

And how the floods came. I am glad they did, because by then, I was not believing because I was told, not even AS I was told, but believing because of what I had experienced and learned. But then... somewhere along the road... I got that whole "that's just the way it is" answer so many times, that my questions slowed, and even stopped. I accepted things and went along my merry way. Until recently.

Over the past year I have seemed to question EVERYTHING, and boy do I mean everything. I felt guilty. I had thought for so long that it was wrong to question spiritual things. But then I started to find answers. Not right away, but eventually. It's kind of liberating. I hadn't felt that way since high school and my dad was encouraging me to figure things out for myself. After years of feeling like I was guilty if ever I questioned things, I was actually feeling freer and freer by the questions I would ask. You know why?

Because EVERY TIME Jesus was always the answer!!! No matter what I would ask, what area I would question, what kink I would throw into the well-oiled machinery of this religion I was in, the answer EVERY SINGLE TIME was Jesus. His love, his mercy, his gospel, his will. And it hit me. Like that proverbial ton of bricks. If Christianity is about THE answer, then all it will do to lead a soul to find it is provoke question, after question, after question. Because the answer is and always will be JESUS!

So in this time of dealing with my lovely, new mom-and-questioning-teenager-stage, I am excited about every question she brings. I was SO SCARED before when the nay-sayers would tell me their horror stories, but now, I truly believe that every question whether I see things the same way or not, will always lead us back to the answer. The way, the TRUTH, the life. All we have to do is embrace the answer. And I can't wait to learn more and more about the way this whole thing works, and just pray that those who follow me will someday be more than followers, more than listeners, but believers and "experiencers" of the relationship that will provoke question after question in order to draw them to the Answer!

4 comments:

  1. Wow. Amazing beautiful raw authentic TRUTH!!!! Love this Shell!!!

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  2. It seems I have had this conversation with you recently. Thank you for inspiring me to search! I love you Shel!!!

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  3. You might have to charge me a fee, you two girls... I seem to blog about our recent conversations on a regular basis! :D I am inspired by your lives. I am so blessed to have true friends like you!!!

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  4. Where would we be without Jesus??

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