Friday, January 17, 2014

Get over it!

I haven't blogged in a long time.  A very long time, in fact. One year, four months, and one day. I checked.

The truth is, I've been uninspired.  Unmotivated.  Kind of blasé about many things over the last year and a half.  Some would tell me to "snap out of it" (and they have).  Some would say to simply "get over it".  Again, they have - don't you fret!

But I've been pondering a lot lately.  Get over what, exactly?  What is it that motivates us?  Or causes us to pause in our lack of motivation?  If we do indeed just get over stuff, do we learn anything?  Is anything we've gone through even worth "getting over", or do we need to treasure even the dark moments and stay there for a while?

I've battled depression.  There's no denying that.  Just take a look at why I started my blog!  I'm not saying to wallow in self-pity or that it's healthy to crawl into a dark pit and not get through your problems... but isn't that the key?  You know me - I don't give a lot of answers; I just ask a lot of questions.  And I haven't changed in that regard.  But maybe that is an answer.... getting through, not over.

Life is a process of mourning and rejoicing.  Laughing and grieving, jubilation and despair, ups and downs. And when we are up, there's no thought of down. And when we're down, there's no thought of that mountain-top victory.  But what if?

What if we did think of the ups when we're down?  Or even the downs when we're up?

I used to think I was a little bit crazy.

I lost my dad two and a half years ago.  But I began grieving him long before that.  Not entirely.  Don't get me wrong.  I would ever-so-seldom think of a day that I'd be an ocean away and get a phone call that he was gone.  That day came.  I grieved.  Deeply.  I had half-way convinced myself that I was morbid and crazy to think that I was doomed to get such horrible news, and that I needed to get over my fears.

But I didn't. It was like I was prepared.  Just a little.

I grieve him still.  And no one has ever told me to "get over it".

When someone dies, we all know that there's a place - a gaping hole that person left behind that can never, ever be filled by anyone else.  And we don't get over it.  We're not expected to.  They meant something to us and we carry the memory in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

And that's what I've been pondering lately.  That every loss we suffer; we mourn.  The loss of a job, a friendship, a home, a routine, a marriage, an idea, a dream, an item, a person.  Maybe some are more drastic than others.  Maybe more losses come at once.  But isn't everyone mourning something?  And why should we get over it?

Maybe we should just be more gracious.  Not expecting anyone to just "get over" anything. From the "small" to the rocking-of-their-world kind of loss.  And maybe as we get through our mourning we can walk with others through theirs. Together.

That'd be cool.


  1. Still have moments of mourning, deep, deep mourning for my Mom who died 8 years ago. NO one can tell you how to mourn or when it's time to move on. I love you, Shell! Glad you're up and blogging again.

  2. This is spot on. I have been grieving the loss of many things over the last couple of years and never cherish the "get over it" comments. I love this thought! Thank you for sharing.